Even now in the final hour of my life I'm falling in love again.
My life has just been so out of focus. I can hardly concentrate on anything. Endless phone calls, texts, online messages, etc. go unanswered. The mess in my room continues to mount (and mount and mount and mount...). I have scores of projects started, with very little progress to keep me interested.

I'm in a funk, but I don't feel unhappy. Ok, sometimes I do, but I have so many reminders every day that I am loved and that I love and really, that's all I really want and need right now. I'm learning how to take it easy and that sounds silly, but it's actually really hard for me. I'm usually immersed in a dozen things at any given time and right now? Right now, I've got nothing.

It's the same old song and dance, but my job really makes it hard to see people and maintain a routine of social interaction. I've been getting better at feeling less guilty about this, but then there are certain people who despite how long they've known me, never cut me any slack for it. It's always about them and not about the fact that I often only have 2 evenings off a week and a lot of people who want a piece of that time---though, that very thought is quite lovely and I want to hold onto it and appreciate it. I'm often not returning calls and stuff out of guilt and I really just need to get over it. (Saying all of this makes me think of D. I can only imagine the stress she feels these days.)

But my life is kind of gorgeous these days, regardless. Don't let my melancholy fool you.



Life Is A Pigsty (Morrissey)

It’s the same old S.O.S.
But with brand new broken fortunes
And once again I turn to you
Once again I do I turn to you
It’s the same old S.O.S.
But with brand new broken fortunes
I’m the same underneath
But this you, you surely knew
Life is a pigsty
Life is a pigsty
Life is a pigsty
Life is a pigsty
Life, life is a pigsty
Life, life is a pigsty
Life, life is a pigsty
Life is a pigsty
And if you don’t know this
Then what do you know?
Every second of my life I only live for you
And you can shoot me
And you can throw me off a train
I still maintain
I still maintain
Life, life is a pigsty
Life is a pigsty
And I’d been shifting gears all along my life
But I’m still the same underneath
This you surely knew
I can’t reach you
I can’t reach you
I can’t reach you anymore
Can you please stop time?
Can you stop the pain?
I feel too cold
And now I feel too warm again
Can you stop this pain?
Can you stop this pain?
Even now in the final hour of my life
I’m falling in love again
Again
Even now in the final hour of my life
I’m falling in love again
Again
Again
Again
I’m falling in love again
Again
Again
Again